he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize