We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
