when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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