i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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