new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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