What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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