she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
