Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
