I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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