I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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