I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
