The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
