Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
