Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
