sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The power of my boobs compel you
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize