no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
