apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
