so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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