I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
