Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
