You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
