If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
