oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
