i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
