I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
