rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
