Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
