Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
