feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
