but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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