I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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