In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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