I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
