I wanna bring you to show and tell
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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