Having a random hookup so left but love u
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
