I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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