either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
