Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
