hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
