I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize