Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
