he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
