I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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