Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
