I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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