he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
