shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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