u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
