Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
