Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
