we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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