Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
