I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
