dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I forget how to act sober
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
