at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
