my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm like, not good at living.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
