i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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