He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
