Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
