I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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