Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
