dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
