I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize