She's JV to your varsity
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize