She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
