Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
