To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
