I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
