Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
