I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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