is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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