i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
