He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So here I am, sexting at work.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
we should paint friendship bongs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
