Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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