I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
