Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
did you just send me my own nude
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
