please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize