gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
