Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
