her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
