**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
