There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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