That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
