Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
