you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
