thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
