hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
