can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize