i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
