Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
