We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
