Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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